9. "Candace Parker" (second from left in picture above) – It is hard to fathom that the WNBA MVP and widely renowned “best female basketball player on the planet” frequents the games of none other than the hapless Timberwolves, and is married to none other than the gameless Sheldon Williams, but these are true stories, and for that alone she makes the list.  She is now our most famous fan. 

8. "Natalie/Mike" (three and four from left)– These are the Wolves P.R. people, or whatever you call them.  Many people refer to Mike as “Wally” because he looks a lot like Mr. Szczerbiak.  I refer to him as “Meathead Mike” because he consistently gets a little too amped up for the t-shirt toss, which always ends with him chucking the last shirt as far as he can; exposing his midriff as he wildly throws his whole body into it, and just missing the upper deck.  And Natalie is um… attractive.

7. "Media Section, Press Row #2" (BR second from right) - Myles Brown, Britt Robson, Stephen Litel, Benjamin Polk, Steve Aschburner - These are my favorite Wolves writers to read, and I know a few of them personally.  They all generally sit next to each other in row 2, and I enjoy watching them yuck it up during the games.

6. "Senile Cotton Candy Guy" – This guy makes me roar with laughter almost every time I see him.  He’s probably like 70, but he looks like he’s 105.  He has this thing where he is always sticking his tongue out as he walks up the stairs, much like a snake.  The dude is wacky.

5. "Sebastian Telfair’s Wife" (far left) – Because she is beautiful.

4. "Bill Beise aka 'Superfan' aka 'Coach'" (far right) – You all know him, the guy that kneels courtside the entire game, banging away on the court with his program.  Enough said.

3. "Enthusiastic Mini-Donut Guy" – This dude is great.  Baby face, dirty mustache, always pumped up.  He’s often singing or dancing to the music, conversating with randoms in the crowd, and just doing strange things.  He’s a fun, optimistic, happy dude.  He also has a trademark where we shakes the donuts up before giving them to the patron.

2.  "Mike Miller's Brother" - This guy pretty much always just looks wrecked.  And he wears more rings than Bill Russell.  And he does weird things.  And he looks like an unemployed Mike Miller would look.

1. "SILENT ABABU" (front and center, should be obvious) – I can’t bump him from the top spot.  Even though we are friends and I do sit by him occasionally, he is still constant entertainment from a bird’s eye view.  He is extremely social, especially considering he is a deaf mute.  He is hilarious and entertaining.  He is charismatic.  He yelps and hisses.  He messes with people all the time.  He wears XXXL shirts and dress pants.  He picked up on College Wolf & my 10-tiered handshake faster than any of our other pals have, and now likes to do it with us.  He is the man.


Honorable Mentions: Glen Taylor & wife, Homeless Pepsi Vender Guy, Gomes’ wife, a guy CW & I call “Juelz”, Foye’s woman, Sid Hartmann, and Snow Cone Vender Guy Who Looks Like a Snow Cone.

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