Inspired by the release of what may be the single greatest photo of all time (as seen above), we now know Kahn is on a mission. He will fool us. Hide in plain sight. He is everywhere, yet nowhere. Let us journey together to discover where David Kahn has been hiding since the Kirilenko signing. Let's play: Where's Kahn?

(Instructions in case of innate slowness: find Kahn in the photos below)

Easy:

As we now know, David Kahn is a master of disguise. But he will have to do a little bit better than this lackluster, Jonny Flynn-like effort to fool us this time. 

Medium:

Here we see Kahn better blend in with his natural surroundings

 

Hard:

A man among boys, Kahn will BLEND IN to any situation. A true master of disguise and deceit.

 

Did you find them all? Stay tuned for more Where's Kahn? adventures throughout this next season and beyond!!!

Entering the Olympics it seemed like the Wolves fans were going to miss out on a marquee final with American USA Basketball Stud versus G.O.A.T. Euro PG God. Well we will miss out on that with Rubio out but @#$k Spain, it is Russia's time to shine!

Game 1: 

Alexey Shved: 16 pts, 13 asts, and 3 steals versus the Brits. HOLY CRAP THAT IS AWESOME!

Andrei Kirilenko: 35, 3 blks and 2 steals. Take it easy on em big fella. Maybe run like a hyena instead of a deer. 

Boxscore here
 

Kevin Love: 14 points in 14 minutes versus France ( 7 more points than Nikki "Dead to me" Batum).

Boxscore here

Game 2: 

Alexy Shved: 14 pts, 6 asts, and 3 steals versus the Chinese. Solid.

Andrei Kirilenko: 16 pts, 9 rebs and 4 steals. Pacing himself. Smart.

Boxscore here
 

Kevin Love: 16 pts in 17 min versus Tunisia.

Boxscore here

Game 3:

Alexy Shved: 17 points, 6 assists and a tying 3 with less than 30 seconds left in a HUGE game against Brazil. Freaking awesome. Granted he was a little careless with the ball and did pile up assists. Shved showed he has the first step to get by NBA caliber guards in this one. 

Andrei Kirilenko: 19 points and a smattering of other solid stats. Continues to be the best player on what could be the surprise 2nd best team. 

Boxscore here
 

Kevin Love: 15 points in the laugher against Nigeria. 

Boxscore here

 

Wolves fans need to be in a lather about how the Russians are playing. Top form. 

COMING UP NEXT:

Russia versus Spain on Saturday

USA versus Argentina on Monday

 

 

In a shocking, very quick turn of events, Kahn has finally acquired a significant player by signing Andrei Kirilenko to a 2-year, $20 million contract. Ten brief thoughts:

1. Kirilenko is a terrific player. He immediately brings a robust skillset and plenty of experience along with it. He is an excellent defender, falling into the swiss-army knife forward category. He can hit the outside shots. Brings energy, toughness, passing rebounding, defense, steals, blocks and shooting. He is about as versatile of a forward as they come. Don't let anyone tell you this isn't a very, very good addition to this roster.

2. Kirilenko was not technically "out of the league for a year." He missed the season because of the lockout. During said year, he won the Euroleague MVP.  Any argument that he is "washed up" and "no team wanted him" is completely baseless.

3. Kirilenko's injury proneness is a legit concern.

4. $10 million is not much of an overpayment for a player of his skillset, experience and prestige. Look around. We are just used to Kahntracts and rookie deals. What is funny is I'll bet those against the money would be a-ok giving Gerald Wallace a similar deal. Seems hypocritical.

5. The Wolves finally look like a decent team.

6. Those of you who don't like this move can kindly enjoy your alternative universe with Wes Johnson still in it and maybe a Willie Green offseason "cherry on top."

7. Many Wolves fans should eat crow for dessert tonight (me included). A big move finally came. 

8. Trading Wes Johnson and a 1st rounder hurts. I get it. I'd rather focus on what is ahead. The Wes Johnson era is now over. The Wolves still have one extra first rounder. Wes will not be missed. Pretend it didn't happen. Consistent, good basketball is upon us for the first time since 2004.

9. What on earth is the plan for Derrick Williams? 6th man combo forward? He is going to have a hard time finding minutes. This is a negative by-product.

10. < Insert ridiculously overdone whitey joke>

 

 

The off-season has gone swimmingly so far. I mean, we have subtracted more black players than anyone could have ever imagined, and our team is almost 100% white. In 1950, Kahn gets an infinity A+ for this off-season.

Lesley Johnson is rumored to be gone in a 3-way trade, although with a future 1st round pick from us (learning from McHale, NICE!)  For.......... nothing.

Well, we would actually get cap space. Although it's pretty sad that you have to give up a future 1st round pick to get cap space for an absolutely TERRIBLE player who's option should have never been picked up in the first place. Had Kahn simply declined the option for a bottom 5 wing in the entire NBA, there would be no financial reprecussions whatsoever. But hey, who's complaining? Besides me.

So then KAHN wants to use that cap space...................... to sign another white foreign player (AK-47) to a two-year, $9 million per year deal!  HA! You can't even make this stuff up!  Subtract a black guy and a future potential black guy, for an old white guy. DEAL.

I mean really, when you are discussing Kahn... it's like you need to stop before you just embarrass yourself. Because clearly he doesn't care. And it's just too easy.

So I went to Cub Foods today to get more bananas (a banana a day keeps the doctor away!)  After way more time spent debating the various bushels than I would care to admit, I thought I picked a pretty good one.  But I just went to refill my Rangpor-diet tonic.... and HOLY SHYT DID I PICK A CRAPASS GREEN BUNCH OF BANANAS! I thought I had some gigantic cucumbers sitting there on our counter. Damn, I epic failed. I am going to need the Jaws of Life to open one of those suckers tomorrow morning. I am more sad right now that I bet any of you would ever believe. Seriously.

People are SAD Wayne is gone?!?!?! WTF is wrong with them? I mean, it's Wayne Ellington here, whom Kahn should never have drafted in the first place. Kahn could have simply drafted our new tweener CUNNINGHAM that year instead (but Kahn does have Down Syndrome, so pass... I guess?)  Or Kahn could have drafted DeJuan Blair, or Sam Young, or Jon Brockman, or Jonas brother Jerebko, or I shoot when I wanna shoot Meeks, or MARCUS THORNTON SG EXTRAORDINAIRE, or Chase Budinger (LOLOLOLZ the irony!!!), or Danny Green........................ or Henk Norel. Well played. 

Please click "Read More" for the rest of my off-season predictions...

Often times before I post something, I will poke around on various Wolves blogs and especially message boards to get a general idea of how Wolves fans are feeling about the team, a trade, or a rumor. It's always a fun thing to read many different perspectives on the state of the team. That being said, it is safe to say that up until Portland matched the Wolves' offer sheet for Nicolas Batum, this fanbase was, generally, excited. Even some of the deeply cynical posters on this site took a temporary positive tone. Glen Taylor was finally opening his pocket books. There "was a plan B if this all fell apart" and fans were motivated, coming up with trade scenarios and good fits, debating the transactions not-to-be in a futile, yet familiar manner. "The Wolves are finally going to be a winning team," and so on and so forth. Our own macro-perceptions of what would be the Wolves' offseason were clouded by what turned out to be a complete fools' errand. An assumption marinaded in wishful thinking. And while this may sound like I am a bit late to the party, analyzing a series of Batum-related events that finally came to a close a week ago, there are still plenty of takeaways that still carry through today:

 

CLICK READ MORE TO CONTINUE

 

He's not white, but at least he's a much needed big-man (at least, bigger than Wayne Ellington. I think. Maybe.)  CAN YOU FEEL IT?!?

Jerry Zgoda reporting:

That Wolves trade that has been in the works for days and days -- shooting guard Wayne Ellington to Memphis for forward Dante Cunningham -- will finally be official later today.

The Wolves are dealing away a 2009 first-round draft pick (28th overall) who was only going to see playing time this season if there were many injuries and getting back a guy who plays both forward spots and is active on defense.

Both players make almost exactly the same salary -- a little more than $2 million a season -- but the deal gives the Grizzlies another shooter and gives the Wolves a needed forward for a team that has added guards Brandon Roy and Alexey Shved but lost Michael Beasley, Anthony Randolph and quite possibly Anthony Tolliver from the frontcourt.

Portland drafted Cunningham 33rd overall out of Villanova in 2009 -- third pick in the second round, five picks after the Wolves took Ellington -- and traded him to Charlotte in February 2011. He signed as a restricted free agent just before the start of last season.

$10 million over three years, for the mystery man from Russia.

The Timberwolves have agreed to a three-year, $10 million contract with Alexey Shved.

Shved, whose departure from CSKA Moscow has already been announced, should officially sign with Minnesota in the coming days. "Minnesota's a good, young and ambitions team," Shved said. He also had offers from the Grizzlies and Cavs, but Rick Adelman reportedly played a major role in the point guard choosing the Timberwolves. "They say that Rick trusts young players and discovers talents, and I'm ready to work for my part." Shved is 6'6" and capable of playing either guard position.


We commin we commin nothin gonna stop us now can you feel it run with the wolves HOWL.

Hahahahahahah Randy Foye wants the full MLE (or more???) He's clearly delusional. Out of the league within 2 years. I don't even have anything else to say (amazingly.)

Kahn is going to sign and trade Batum for 567 first round picks? I guess I wouldn't doubt it. But the Frenchman has already said he doesn't want to be in Portland. WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THEM ANYTHING KAHHHHHHHHHHMNNNNNNNNNNNN?  Call their bluff and walk away for Iggy.  Or just offer Batum the $50 milli (poppin bottles) and see what happens. IT IS NOT GODDAMN ROCKET SCIENCE YOU MORON.  Seriously Kahn, what have you done since you have been here besides take the most obvious trade in the world with the Wizards (for Rubio.) I would work for 1/10th of your 750K salary (lolollololollloolol) and still out perform you.

Anyways, I digress.

Rashard Lewis to the cHeat. Ray Ray too. Those bastards.

Dwight Howard to nobody (lolz.)

The Hornets got better from the draft but then got worse from the Jack trade. Combining Ryan Anderson with Anthony Davis and Grevious Vasqfjslfjewoifusdl = -67 wins.  Cool.  They win the first overall pick next year as well. Luckily for us, we landed SHVED. Suck it, Hornets losers.

The Lakers landed Nash, which doesn't even matter because he's on Bradley the Bear's team and he only plays 27 minutes per game. He'll probably play like 34 minutes per game next year thanks to Mike Clown, and his assists and ppg will be up, but the advanced stats nerds will tell you that he outshot relatitivety to the nth power at a 96% confidence interval and factoring in the rPer - .96WPG + SexyTime multipled by the WinsProduced + infinity loserdom = Lakers will not win a championship with Nash.

Moving on.

Duncan resigned. Yawn.

Well that didn't take the Mavs long to reTOOL (hahaha I crack myself up.) They signed Chris Kaman (your mouth), and fleeced the Pacers for Darren Collison (Mahimini, really?!?) Those guys very admirably fill their gaping holes at C and PG. And they are rumored to be getting the just amnestied Elton Brand. Damnit, I thought they were gonna be a lottery team this year. Not fair times infinity.

Hey, we finally amnestied Darko. CWeat!  
/Dead to me.

What else happened in the West? Please feel free to enlighten me in the comments!  I like the Wolves chances to maybe (keyword) finish 8th next year, since Rubio wont return until 2013. But its ok because we have SHVED! (See link above.)

We are also going to sign and trade for Batum, and then sign Brandon Roy. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA Blazers fans you crazy-a$$ mofos. I can't wait until 5 months from now when Lilliard and Meyers (wtf really???) are leading your team into the cellar at a 13-win pace winning percentage.  LMA will be out for the year with the "fuckthisshitsyndrome" and you guys will have a stellar lottery pick next year in a totally NOT loaded draft!  

Dueces. 

And if you get really bored, make sure to check out the TWolves Blog Forums, where all the magic happens...

Oh, how I want Nicolas Batum to come and grace us with his basketball goodness. The length! The shooting! The defense! And he's French! I love french fries and french toast, so he must be a wonderful person.

Of course, I also am a bit of a realist, and the entirety of being a realist is realizing what's real and what's not real (for real!). And in this scenario, what's "not real" is the possibility of Batum actually landing in Minnesota late next week amidst an adoring throng of reporters and fans, a la Rubio in 2011. What's more likely - probable, even - is that Batum will be kept in Portland's grubby clutches for the same contract we've offered. I suppose he could just decline to sign anything and hop into free agency next year, but my gut tells me he's going to sign the extension and pretend like all this crap never happened. And then we'll all wear sad faces when he thrashes us for 38 points a game this fall/winter.

If the above scenario happens - and almost assuredly, it will - the Wolves need a Plan B. Let's start with the facts, after the fold:

 

Big news on this fine, humid Thursday evening. Just 24 hours after the Wild shocked the hockey world, Kahn dishes out $60 million to two superb potential free agent acquisitions in a double-move designed to remodel the Wolves destitute wing positions. 

According to several reports and allegedly first reported by Jason Quick of The Oregonian, the Wolves have come to an agreement with 3-time All-Star and recent retiree Brandon Roy on a 2-year contract reportedly worth just over $10 million. I mention Roy first because he is the only sure bet here to be in a Wolves uniform next season as Batum is only getting the offer sheet that Portland will likely match. Roy, as you know, was drafted by the Wolves in 2006 and quickly traded for Randy Foye in what was arguably the worst trade in franchise history. Roy had a terrific run in Portland as a multiple all-star and was forced into early retirement due to a degenerative knee condition. Now, after a year off and a series of high-profile, experimental knee treatments, Roy will give it a go again. My take: an absolute superb risk. Only the deeply cynical Wolves fans can dislike this as it involved a below average salary and a potential high return at the position the Wolves struggled mightily at. The contract will likely eat into cap space, but this is a good move to make. However, expectations must be tempered, as Roy will likely miss chunks of time over these two years. Regardless, this is a really solid signing and quality risk to take. TWB-approved.

Minutes later (and had you even attempted to run and grab something to drink you would have missed it) it was reported by the AP that the Wolves agreed to terms on an offer sheet with Nic Batum worth $45 million + bonuses and a well-reported desire for Batum to resume his career in Minnesota alongside Roy, Rubio and Darko Milicic. Just hours ago, fans were tying the noose after it was reported Portland would match any offer. Yours truly, your self-proclaimed resident Debbie Downer McWetblanket thought most hope was lost. How quickly things change. Portland is likely to match this offer, but at the very least it is a good, strong offer the Wolves shouldn't even flinch at giving. Kahn is calling Portland's bluff and bless him for doing so. Why not? What is nice about the new CBA is restricted free agent contract decisions must be made now 3-days after the offer sheet is signed vs. 7 in the previous CBA. This will help the Wolves pursue their contingency plans quicker if and when Portland decides to match the offer prior to July 14th (3 days after the moratorium period ends and Batum is likely signed). I am glad this was reported in tandem with the Roy signing. That makes the Batum offer sheet/match implications a brighter move in context. 

A bad day for the Wolves turned into a great day. Hats off to David Kahn for Roy, and 45 million hats off to Kahn if we get Batum out of this. 

It's about time. It feels weird writing something optimistic.