"With the #1 pick in the 2009 NBA Draft, the Minnesota Timberwolves select... Ricky Rubio!"

As you sit in the Timberwolves war room, staring at David Stern on the television screen, pride is welling through you. It's been a long five years since the Timberwolves were relevant, but this is the moment you're finally going to turn things aroud. Everyone is cheering and high-fiving. There's a genuine air of happiness wafting through the room. Things haven't felt this good in so long. As you watch Stern offer the hat and give the obligatory handshake, you know that they're about to get even better...

As Stern walks back to the podium, a hush falls over the room that was in pandemonium only seconds before.

"There is a trade to announce. The Minnesota Timberwolves and New Jersey Nets have agreed in principle to a deal that will send the rights to Ricky Rubio to New Jersey in exchange for the #11 pick and center, Brook Lopez."

"Viiiiiiiictoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!", you scream from the top of your lungs! With Lopez in the fold, you are only one player away from your all big-white guy starting five. Love, Cardinal, Madsen, Lopez, and..."

As adrenaline surges through you, you fumble for your cell-phone. You just know Scalabrine can be had. After all, Ainge owes you big time...



POOOOOOOOOOOOOF!!!!!!!

The instant air purifier wakes you from your dream. Dang it, you fell asleep on the crapper yet again. What time is it?

Egads! You're late again for a meeting with Glen Taylor. He's asked you for a list of candidates to replace Wittman. Apparently Bill Biese's wife threatened to kill him if he quit his job. Smart lady. Chances are you would've fired him in six months anyway to cover up your next big mistake.

Thankfully your dump came out nice a clean - a one wiper! You head off to Taylor's office racking your brain for a viable candidate. Unfortunately no established coach is going to strap himself to the timebomb you created. It's time to think outside the box...


If you nominate Tom Hanneman (The Lynx already took Jim Petersen), turn to page 51

If you nominate Mike Trudell, or whoever's running the team website (you still haven't figured out this whole internet thing), turn to page 4

If you nominate Brad Childress (He'll be available soon), turn to page 18

you turn to page 18

Yet you dont nominate this guy you still want the Kandi Man. Sides you promised him the job after you and him played golf. You cant blame it on the whiskey sour even because they were out so you were stuck with steele reserve. Anyways you get to Glens ofice he yells at you to come in because hes already late for a meating about hiring some strippers to be the cheerleaders and for a bootie call with Craig Smith's wife. He goes on n on n says i dont care who you get just do it cheap cuz im losing money ever since College Wolf n Bong won the court settlement after choking on a corn dog stick. So just beeping get someone here because im being made a fool of in the media since Mad Dog is coaching and playing at the same bloody time and i think craig smiths wife gave me a case of the crabs since im scratching my crotch more then ever! Bloody hell snapped glen. You leave as glen puts a fork down his pants to scratch his aggravated crotch and go down stairs call up the Kandi Man n tell him he has the job. He then calls up Craig Smith; and tells him that his wife gave both him glen Crabs. He then calls up Ricky Rubio n tells him hes goin to NJ with Big al in trade for Brock a 2nd round draft pick n the rights to a 92 Yugo


turn to page 23 if you want Craig smith to go n kill numbnuts n glen
turn to page 24: if you want the irate fans to bang on Glens house with trout after they find out that Kandi man is now n charge
turn to page 91 if you go on a bender after you find out the kandi man is in charge

Page 24

Two days have passed since the last conversation you held with Glen. Hell, you haven't seen the man in 2 days. The month is nearing to an end, and you really are getting stressed about your pay. After all, you earn just 1 million on that stupid "handshake" deal you had with Taylor. Seriously, what were you thinking not getting a normal contract, you'd be a made man.

As you wander through the corridors, you try to avoid Jim Stack - he never knows what's going on anyway. The best idea would be to ask Freddie, probably. But he's not in his office... ha, maybe this time he finally beat you to the men's toilet. Sneaky fellow. You patiently wait at the door for him to come out, hopefully he won't take it as stalking. Last time that happened, you nearly joined the "Isiah Thomas stalking club of NBA GMs". Hey, maybe some tardes could be made out of that...

As Freddie comes out, finally, you can't wait to ask some questions - "Fred!" you shout from point blank distance. He totally didn't see that coming, as he stumbled back through the door and landed on the wet toilet floor. Before he even can get himself back up, you start talking;

"Say I had this idea of trading for Michael Redd, I mean the inside-outside should work..."

"Stop!" Freddie's desperate cry cuts through the air. "Give me a break! Stack doesn't know anything as always, Glen can't be reached and I just noticed Michael Olowokandi... OLOWOKANDI, get that? Making himself comfortable with the assistants! Something really bad is going on..."

Then you remembered what you really wanted from Fred. Because if we're talking Michael Redd, you don't even care what he thinks about the idea.

"Say, what's up with Glen?"

Freddie frowned. "Last I heard, he's barricaded in his house. Talked to him yesterday, heard some screams. I think his new japanese wife discovered one of his affairs..."

Before he can continue, you head on to Glen's house in your pickup truck. After all, the lone ranger can't drive a Toyota.

The mansion gate looks like a battlefield. Some 50 mostly drunk fans are shouting violent words at the security, who unsuccesfully try to keep them at bay before they storm Glen's garden and mansion. "They can't see me or I'm a goner!" suddenly crosses your mind. Thankfully you always knew about that secret passage from the 8th pillar to the fountain in Glen's garden. Time to get wet, oh well.

Shaking the water off, you approach the door. Once again you look back at the scuffle taking place at the main gate and shake your head. The door opens without any indication it ever would.

"There you are!" Glen looks tired and anxious. "Did you see what's going on here?! It's madness! That Kandi Man hiring didn't turn out well, we must terminate the deal before it's too late. And I mean it!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

If you want to go out to the angry fans and say that Olowokandi won;t be the coach and that you are still looking for the right candidate, turn to page 15.

If you want to sneak out the way you came in and spend the night in your office looking for the right solution, turn to page 28.

If you want to call the police to pacify the fans and still roll with the Kandi Man signing, turn to page 60

Just a general announcement: If we're going to potentially turn this into a front-page post, we've got to keep it semi-clean. Poop jokes are one thing, but there's no way we can make a post on the front page about Glen Taylor getting crabs from Craig Smith's wife.

I'll do some editing if and when we decide to front page this, so it's not a big deal. But just keep this in mind when you continue the story.

Dangit! Mad Dawg's post had me cracking up!!

DeROK wrote:
Just a general announcement: If we're going to potentially turn this into a front-page post, we've got to keep it semi-clean. Poop jokes are one thing, but there's no way we can make a post on the front page about Glen Taylor getting crabs from Craig Smith's wife.

I'll do some editing if and when we decide to front page this, so it's not a big deal. But just keep this in mind when you continue the story.

sorry derok n bonk ill try n keep it pg13


turns to page 60

once inside the lair of mr Taylor you grab a bottle of Patron off of his mini bar n take some swigs of it before heading down the dark hall. Glen taylor has cornered himself in a closet like a rat with a 12guage in one hand and a cell in the other. You tell him you are hear to 'save' him. You phone the cops n tell them you need them hear to escort Glen to safety. Little does he know the cops are die hard t-wolves fans and were sickened when they hear the 2nd most disappointing t-wolf ever was going to be the new coach. So the cops come about 30minn later after having their Krispy Kremes and buying tomatoes to chuck at his mansion which was getting puked peed and pooped on by the drunken fans. They show up and crash their cruisers thru the rod iron gates. They then tell the drunken masses to sleep it off on the lawn. Since they dont want anyone drinking and driving anyways. Once the fans pass out you bring out Glen hog tied and put the cops begin the chuck the tomatoes at the coach, the only down side is Mcfail isnt here to get tomatoes thrown at him too..

later on some miles away in the temple of darkness mcfail and Kandi Man are signing the papers to his coaching ten-year

Kandi man who is baked out of his mind, says Kevin this is sweet n all n i can buy Cheech's bong with this deal but dude i dont know how to coach. Mcfail says 'ya i know that but what can i say you agreed to be coach for a dumptruck full of money a wheel barol full of tacos n 30k a year, i had no choice but to say sure, with all the money im sayin i can buy more cheap stogies , n wine n dine mcfoye.' Kandi man says but your last coach disappeared in the trunk of a Geo n i hear glens house is getting peed on.' Dont worry bout it you can sleep in the bat cave with me. Youll be safe no one knows where my ultra secret lair is.' The papers are signed n dotted, while you try n make your plan to stop the madness n get Sloan to be the coach

turn to page 37: to try n find the lair n let the angry fans torch it
turn to page 1: to stop at i-hop n talk to gomez the great
turn to page 28: n let the fans have their way with Glen all the mean while a press confernce goes on about kandi man's 8 year contract

Sorry, MadDog but you burned it IMO. ;( Tried to save it from the Kandi Man craziness but it's hopeless I guess.

Page 28.

You have no choice but to move forward with the Kandi Man. As the i's are dotted, and the t's are crossed suddenly a harsh, drawn out noise fills your ears.

It's your Play Skool alarm clock, loudly and happily waking you with its own rendition of "It's a Small World After All." You scramble for the off button, knocking over your Chauncey Billups bobblehead, your bed-side dentures and your midnight snack of Double Stuft Oreos and Decaf Ginger-infused hot cocoa.

It was all just a dream. The rabid fans, the Japanese wives, the infidelity. Corey Brewer out for the season. Everything will be just fine.

Wait! That wasn't a dream. You lost your precious swingman. "Who is going to do all the little things?" you wonder. Love? No. You just read online on some silly blog last night that the over/under on Howard/Love rejections for tonight's game versus Ron Jeremy and the Orlando Magic was a stunning 3.5. You declined to make a bet.

Yawning, and stretching, you remove your flannel polar bear pajamas you open your closet door, standing only in Super Mario Brothers briefs. "Gotta stay young at heart!" You think to yourself.

A myriad of choices lay before you, each of which could have an impact on your day. With Brewer out, a new losing streak on the horizon, and fans calling for Wittman's head, you are thankful that last night's dream is not reality.

Puzzled and indecisive, you must decide what to wear, for today is an important day and many a decision must be made. You lock your fingers, and even stutter in your thoughts, because, "ya know", you have to present yourself well to Glen, because he is not happy with you.

To don your favorite "Big n' Tall" parsley green cable sweater, turn to page 20

Today's an active day. Lets stay spirited and go with a Timberwolves long sleeve polo and turn to page 67

I must show Taylor I mean business, I'll go with my Kenneth Cole charcoal grey suit, with a blue Club Room button down and red Tommy Hilfiger tie, a Macy's clearance special outfit, and hike to page 45

"Bah!" Too many choices you think, all the kids are wearing Argyle, time to fit in." To go with the V-Neck red and navy argyle sweater, Turn to page 100

ya turn to page 67...

Putting on your sweet t-wolves polo with the chilli dog stain still there, and your velvet pants you think you look very fine. You then gargle with some jack Daniel's Eat some pork rinds and cracker jacks and corn-nuts. Then you head off to Glen Taylor's office to work on what to do with the brewster out. You put on your sweatin to the disco cd in your car and head off. On the way you wonder what to do, who to replace Brewster with, will Mccants be traded and you wonder if you should skip it all n go to the buffet with the 'eat shrimp till you puke for $3.99 special"

turn to page 30: mccants gunna be traded
turn to page 29: to go party with darko
turn to page 39: to eat shrimp

ugh